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Current list of walks.
Sadly, there is no list at present. Both of our leadersare heavily sedated at the moment. The stress ofleading a large number of whingeing, moaning, bad tempered, crotchety old age pensioners all trying to outdo Victor Meldrew has resulted in a nervous breakdown to both leaders.
Editors note. This report was written by one of those on this holiday onbehalf of the leader whose psychiatric nurse advised against exciting him.The weeks holiday was in North Wales at the Cwm Angerrit Chalets on the shore of Lake Deddli. Our leader was Mr. Michael Howard. The coach arrived 7 hours late due to the numerous loo stops en route.Most of the next day was spent phoning up next of kin in case they had seen the floods on TV and were worried. The party was OK, but one of the Chalets was washed away, together with some of the clothing and bedding. Luckily, none of the party drowned because they were up the mountain looking for Mr. Paisley when it happened. The Mountain Rescue team found him quite easily. His loud voice could be heard above the noise of the torrent and the thunder. Our leader, Mr. Howard, got really mad at Mr. Paisley for going off without telling anyone. Mr. Paisley said he had told him but it was during the fire so he probably hadn't heard him. That was hard to believe.Apparently, some of the members had been trying to light the stove in one of the remaining chalets, but the wood was wet. One of the members had poured some petrol onto the stove without thinking, and the can exploded.The wet wood still did not burn, but the chalet did. So did a lot more clothing. Mr. Dobson will look most odd until the other half of his beard grows again. Some members took a first aid course before the holiday. This was fortunate. When Mr. Major dived into just 6 inches of water and cut his head, the members were able to bandage him up. The 8 members who fainted were resuscitated by the sole member left standing.Several members were violently sick after a meal. Mr. Howard said it was food poisoning from the left over chicken. Nobody wished to say anything to Ms. Widdecombe, who was in charge of the kitchen, because of her fearsome reputation. Mr. Howard was heard to say, "It's safer to have food poisoning than tackle that one".All of the clothing that had been lost belonged to the male members. The ladies had kindly donated some of their spare clothing to the men. This caused mirth, embarrassment, and several punch ups. Mr. Prescott, who seems to live on a diet of baked beans and cabbage, caused immense problems on the return coach journey. His discharge of bodily gases in the close confines of the coach caused the driver to abandon the coach, because his eyes were watering so much. Mr. Prescott said that under European law, it was classed as "Freedom of expression" and that nobody was entitled to stop him.The coach got home only 10 hours late.Everyone agreed that this holiday was much better than the previous two.
Holiday Report. July 2004